How Do I Respond to Failure?

I don't know anybody who enjoys losing. I don't know anybody who at some point in their life hasn't been afraid to fail. All of us can fall prey to the little chicken running around warning that the sky is falling. These seem to be common human experiences. However, when we take a minute to breathe, step back and look at history, there seems to be something that separates the winners from the losers; and it doesn't seem to be determined merely by the outcome. Attitude, it would seem, plays a critical part.
As I said, nobody enjoys losing.  However, failure can inspire winners.  If you hate losing, then allow that to motivate you.  One story from history that illustrates this point is of Xenophon, the Greek historian, philosopher, soldier and mercenary, who was being pursued by a huge army of Persians.  He and his men had to take a stand on a hillside. One of his generals stated that he didn't think it was a good location to make their stand.  The general pointed out that there was a cliff behind them and there would be no way to retreat if they needed to.  Xenophon told his general, “Exactly!  We welcome the cliff.  In fact, here is what we are going to do.  We are going to march our armies so their backs are directly to the cliff, that way the Persians will know that we can never retreat and our men will know that retreat is not an option.  
One of my favorite quotes from one of my all time favorite books To Kill A Mockingbird also illustrates this point of allowing the chance of failure to motivate you.  As you may recall the main story takes place during three years of the Great Depression in the fictional "tired old town" of Maycomb, Alabama. It focuses on six-year-old Scout Finch, who lives with her older brother Jem and their widowed father Atticus, a middle-aged lawyer. Atticus is appointed by the court to defend Tom Robinson, a black man who has been accused of raping a young white woman, Mayella Ewell. Although many of Maycomb's citizens disapprove, Atticus agrees to defend Tom. As persecution increases and the trial approaches Atticus teaches his children: "real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway. And you see it through no matter what.  You rarely win, but sometimes you do." 
I believe there is a difference between hating to lose and being afraid to lose. If there is a fear of losing, that is usually associated with a belief that losing says something about you personally.  It may tap into some of our negative core scripts about not being good enough, not getting it right, being a failure rather than experiencing failure.  These fears or doubts make us shrink, not try at all or paralyze us from acting or moving forward.  Simply put, failure inspires winners and defeats losers. If you are reading this and find that the fear of failure has been prevalent in your life, that indicates some unresolved work that needs to be done so that you are no longer at the mercy of fear. 
The author Robert Kiyosaki uses the example of The Alamo to illustrate another way that we can respond to failure.  The story of the Alamo is a story of brave people who chose to fight knowing there was no hope for success.  They chose to die rather than surrender.  It was a tragic military defeat.  Yet, rather than burying the failure or hoping it will pass and nobody will remember, Texans chose to turn it into a rallying cry..."Remember the Alamo!"  Do we turn loss into a rallying cry?  Does it inspire us?  Do we become more determined?  Do we practice harder? Study more?  John D. Rockefeller is quoted as saying "turn every disaster into an opportunity."   
Another way that fear of failure can play out in our life is playing not to lose rather than playing to win.  I've mentioned before that three of my daughters play competitive soccer.  (Soccer is a big part of our family life and so I may talk about it more than once.) My 14 year old daughter was on a team several years ago that played not to lose.  As a result, they didn't win very many games.  At best, they tied and it was only if they were lucky that they won.  This particular daughter was born with adult sized energy into a 6lb. 5oz body.  Soccer has been a great way for her to channel her energy....and she loves to play soccer. She plays with a focus and determination that is inspiring.  If she is focused on moving that ball forward and getting a shot, it's hard to stop her from doing just that.  Her coach at that time however, played not to lose. Because she has no fear on the field and isn't afraid to be aggressive, he played her as a defensive player most of the game.  If the other team got a goal in, he would then move her up as an offensive player until she scored....and then he would move her back to defense.  It was frustrating for her to play this way.  Her coach was right that she helped strengthen the defense, however, having a strong defense and a weak offense didn't win games.   
As I said, I don't know anybody who enjoys losing, and yet everybody I know has experienced it. It seems to be part of the human experience.  If this is true, it would seem that the key to failing is to do it right. If you win, make it big.  If you lose, make it spectacular!